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About Uppsala

Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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First off, I hit the road on my trusty old bike. The sun was shining, and I thought, “Today’s gonna be chill.” I zipped down Kungsgatan, dodging pedestrians like a pro. Seriously, people need to watch where they’re going! I almost took out a lady with a stroller. Who brings a stroller to the city center anyway?

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